Siblings- how to manage cries of ‘it’s not fair!’

The development of positive sibling relationships can be one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent. Feeling like a constant referee, being triggered by fighting or arguing in the house… then the next minute they are getting on like a house on fire and having a go at you for getting in the way! As a parent you can’t win.

What they learn with their siblings are life lessons. So we can’t just ignore them (although on occasion walking away (or even lying on the floor) is the best option if you don’t feel able to manage their heightened emotions).

We can encourage kids to see that we love them as individuals and value what makes them different. By modelling this we aim for them to see each other as unique. If one gets invited to a party but the other doesn’t, that is ok. We don’t need to fix that. It can even be seen as a positive as they get some special time with you!

Expectations vary with age and levels of responsibility and personality. A younger sibling should not get something just because an older sibling does. Helping children understand the graphic, and that everyone’s situation is different, but in the end we all want to get along and enjoy happiness in our lives, will take a small step towards combatting the ‘That’s not fair’ sibling cry.

As a parent these can be some of the greatest challenges as we try and negotiate our role in their relationship. Encourage them to negotiate with each other, to see if they can problem solve together. Siblings also need time apart if possible, they need to find their own way, likes and dislikes. To move away from a sense of entitlement to a voyage of discovery.

This is so hard! Our FREE Time to Talk Parenting group gets up and running again in August (3rd, 10th and 17th) 8-9 pm at Indulge Hornbeam Park, to help through those wonderful (and challenging) summer holidays! See you there #harrogate #parents #enrichingparenting

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